Dec 1st -025 ... don't know if I can quit

Ol' Jump Town, red wool tower

... don't know how many times I've taken off my armor, put them in a chest, emptied my inventory, in this case, six sulker boxes full above me on the ceiling. And I made a sign, a note of the,-- 'attempt to quit date'.

What am I doing in there? After figuring out that the trillion block area is physically impossible for me to complete, both time in my life span and gigs of computer memory to save world on a hard drive. Each region is 4.2 to ...? 13.5 is the largest region file. 12k is small but I know there's nothing there. It's prepped to load but I haven't been there yet. 4.2 MB is the size of the low flat world after playing even just one block there. ‘M’ is at region 1953. The 13.5 MB regions are around zero, 5 of them.

The million block rail from zero to 'M' (1,000,000 ~ 97 ~ 0) was completed in 2015.

The billion block area. 1,000,000 x 1,000. Was walled at 500 and -500 sometime during the pandemic.

I marked 3/4th of the 'M' squared, trillion block area, then did the math, and thought, this is crazy impossible. At this rate I'll have loaded every region in approximately 349 years, give or take.

2nd the last bridge over the "moat" to a mesa island

3rd to last bridge to a jungle-ish island Nov 2025

... dreamt last night of falling, standing on red sand in a void, and I thought. This is correct, the game is a void, past time to sort and build with real world "inventory" and time in my day to day, again.

Will it happen this time? Me quitting, I mean. Why do I doubt it?... sigh.

Dec 6th,

The problem is, the way I “play” there is no end for this game. There’s unachievable goals, that I like for some reason I can’t explain. I find it relaxing, digging, inventory, building. It is taking up space in my hard drives. More than half of the storage memory on my laptop and many gigs on several removable drives that I have saved to over the years (decade from 2015 5o 2025).

After I failed again to quit for two days, I didn’t play, I deleted more than 80 GB off of my laptop. It’s not enough. Some part of me isn’t ready to give up my digital “beer” to relax/shut my rambling brain down to a low churn. That’s the addiction. Very much like the low static of TV watching addiction, but I’m more or less in control of it. Even more than just pausing the streaming video when I want, I decide what I feel like doing. Okay, I also decide what I feel like watching. Maybe the two near brain dead activities are more similar than I’d like to admit.

bridge across moat near 790k

Dec 1st when I failed to quit, I'd been making islands every 10k at 'M' 990k may be at 987,654 knowing me. Regardless, I progressed doing this from 'M' to 800k. 20 islands with bridges across, more as some of them have two bridges and larger island chunks.

Dec 6th, I'm at the island near 780k.

Dec 15th, I was at 700k. What screenshots did I take before that?

Survival hub I accidentally destroyed

Map of hub and bridge

Made a structure block garden

Kept making islands every 10k blocks

Here's another, bridge, hub and structure block garden

Then? Getting bored/sad, again, still? I'm playing because I'm sad and can't focus I think? I think it's a bad "therapy". I made another structure block, this one is for making bridges so I don't have to: dig sand, get fuel to forge the sand into glass, color the glass because I prefer it to not be clear, and then store and use it up, repeat. I don't know how many times I've done this pattern, used a lot of glass blocks in survival over the years.

so I decided to make another structure block, or two

Structure block, then clone, a lot.

Inside after a bit of survival "editing" with axes.

The end result was another block thing, with no purpose, for no one. I've already filled back up just over 8 of the 80 GB I deleted a couple weeks ago, so it fills up my computer HD storage. I was thinking, I need to sort inventory in my real life, not this. Today? I'm so sad and angry I can't even deal with myself, how I feel, I have an idea about what to do for 2026. I have a plan, I just have to get over this last hurdle in my mind. One step at a time, one day at a time. This is digital beer, this is video game addiction. How does that AA prayer go again? What philosopher is that based on? The Serenity Prayer, from the YMCA in the 1930s. Huh?... I went and read wikipedia for a few pages. Christian socialists founded the YMCA, and the ethics for AA, interesting. I love learning stuff. That made me feel better.

Dec 18th, After destroying a second hub by moving a region twice, I thought, this patter isn't workin. 'M' to 700k it is, (with a bridge and no hub at 654321 for some reason.

Went to BFF's city, thought I build out from there as a starting point.

The mountains BFF made are pretty cool.

They are hollow in places, with long hall like structures, this quartz tower is an entrance that goes all the way thru to a door on the opposite side.

Then decided to map the area again, for some reason?